


Prank Wars

by EndangeredFandom (EnglishLanguage)



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Funny, Gen, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy Friendship, Prank Wars, Starship Enterprise (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-02 12:46:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18811186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglishLanguage/pseuds/EndangeredFandom
Summary: A prank wars on the Starship Enterprise. . .





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ~ (first Star Trek Fanfic so enjoy & please leave comments!)

Chekov and Sulu were the ones who started it. Jim, of course, followed in suit. Then, most everyone became involved in the prank war, some as accomplices, like Spock, and others as the evil masterminds, such as Uhura, Jim, and the two founders of the battle. And then there was a third group, the people who didn't take a part of the activities, the king of that third party, Bones. Everyone was absolutely terrified of him, except Jim, but no one would dare to prank him. 

 

Jim saunters down the hallways of the enterprise. It is a peaceful morning, after a nice breakfast of strawberries and cream he started to make his way down to the control room, several crew members nod in greetings as he walks towards his beloved chair. Everything was quite peaceful, a normal day  in the exciting life of the captain of a space-exploring ship. 

Jim lets the peaceful silence soak into his mind. Quiet murmuring and clicking of keyboards fill the control room, everyone waking up from their early morning stupor. It is calming, and Kirk enjoys the morning the most due to its peaceful demeanor. 

Then, a shrill, mechanical screech rips through the peaceful atmosphere, everyone, except Spock, who just raises one eyebrow, jumps in sudden alarm. It’s the fire alarm, which is a big deal if you live on a ship in the middle of space.

“Everyone, emergency procedures!” Kirk shouts, immediately counting off every single one of his crew mates. 

Chekov runs into the room, “Keptin, the fire alarms are going off!” He yelps urgently. 

“Well I can see that! Which ones!?” Jim growls impatiently. 

Chekov looks him dead in the eye and says, “All of them.” Jim swears under his breath, checking to see if everyone had left the control cabin before dashing out of it himself. As the prestigious captain of (Jim trips scrambling awkwardly to recover his footing) the Enterprise sprints down the long hallways, Spock jogs towards him in a somehow orderly fashion. 

“Captain, we have discovered that there isn't any fire on the ship.” He states matter-of-factly. 

“Well then why are all the fire alarms on!?” Kirk screams over the blaring noise.

“It appears as if someone has intentionally turned them all on.” 

“Why the heck would anyone do that? Find a way to turn them off!” Spock nods and jogs away again. After a few grueling minutes of the shrill blast of noise coming from all directions, it is cut off. The silence feels like cotton being stuffed in your ears. Jim runs over to his dorm, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he traces the hacker. Chekov, of course it was that fluffy Russian. Jim’s “Captain's Special Intercom”, as he likes to call it starts buzzing on, the Admiral’s voice crackling into comprehension. 

“Captain Kirk, we received a notice that all of your fire alarms just turned on. Is there an issue?” 

Jim groans, of course the  _ Admiral  _ had to call and get involved, he’d need a story to cover up the fact that the bubbly Pasha was trolling everyone. “Um, about that sorry for not warning you first, Admiral. We were drilling the crew members on their emergency protocols.” Kirk lies blatantly. 

“Very well, however try to warn your superiors next time.” The admiral finishes, he sounds slightly disappointed, as if he was having a boring day at headquarters and he wanted a major disaster to report. 

Jim roll his eyes but says, “I will make sure to do that. Yes sir.” Kirk clicks off the “special” intercom before turning on the one that emits to the rest of the Enterprise. “Bridge crew  report to the main room, I repeat, every member of the bridge crew report to the control room.” After saying that, he sighs, starting his way to the bridge himself. 

 

Everyone is standing awkwardly. No one seems to know  _ what  _ to expect, they all look nervous, surely their Captain was angry at them? Why else would he just be glaring at all of them one by one. Especially Chekov seems to cower under Jim’s famous, “Glare of Steel”. 

Kirk leans against the wall, letting the awkward silence stretch out before saying two, deadly words, “It’s on.” His voice seems extremely loud due to the previous, deathly silence, finishing those words, he stalks out of the room. A matching, sly grin seems to spread onto Chekov and Sulu faces. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have any constructive criticism that would be nice because I want to give you guys more quality stuff! Thanks~

The next day was. . . chaotic, to say the least. Chekov and Sulu spread the news of what they were now calling the “Prank Wars”. Left and right practical jokes and more subtle cruelties occur, everyone is on high alert, plus the fact that some people who had previously promised themselves they wouldn't get involved find themselves sucked in.

Kirk ducks as he narrowly avoids a scouting drone flying lowly through the hallways, carrying someone’s uniform. A man sprints after the much-faster drone, face red with anger and exertion. A grin finds its way onto Jim’s face as he shakes his head in disbelief and continues walking to the control room.

It is a strange sight in there, on one side, Spock and his people are working diligently and with startling efficiency, under Spock’s orders. On the other hand, everyone else is casting suspicious glares or knowing looks to others, always expecting a prank to be pulled. Sulu has a constant grin on his face, which sets everyone else on edge.

A loud noise comes from someone’s chair as a whoopie cushion releases a ripping sound when Bones sits down to make small talk with one of the workers. A snarl crosses his face and someone swears quietly then slips out of the room as Bones tries to find the culprit. Seeing the man leave the room out of the corner of his eye, Bones books it, tearing after the brave soul.

Only a few extremely bold, or perhaps stupid, people have pranked Leonard McCoy, the true scourge of the Starship Enterprise. Leonard always made sure they regretted it.

Kirk chuckles, though Spock looks aggravated at the disorder. The days seem simultaneously slower and quicker, anticipation plagues the crew members as they wait for someone to pull a prank on them. So, it seems strange that the day is already over when Jim goes to his sleeping quarters.

The captain thinks that it is rather strange that nobody has tried to prank him. It is late, and Jim doesn’t turn on the lights as he enters his room, having already memorized the exact layout of his cabin. Much to his surprise, Kirk runs right into the corner of a table. Strange, that table was his desk, which should have been about a foot to the right. He dismisses the odd occurance, rubbing his bruised side as he continues his progression throughout the dark quarters. This time, he runs right into a chair, cursing as he crashes to the floor. It was very disorienting, everything felt off and unbalanced.

Clapping twice, Jim turns on the lights he  previously had assumed he didn’t need. At once, there is something. . . off about his should-be familiar room. The bed gives it away. Kirk’s bed is usually pushed against the wall, it is about a foot and a half away from the wall, and the rest of the furniture are moved to scale as well. He'd just been pranked. And, obviously, he would retaliate.

The next morning, Jim was prepared, which was probably an understatement. Chekov and Sulu were impressed to see their idol and captain so fervently invested in their wicked creation. Every opportunity Jim had, he took it. Whether it was stopping mid conversation to pull a seat away before somebody sat down, or calculated, genius plans such as setting up near invisible tripwires around the crowded hallways.

Though he hadn’t pulled any targeted pranks, there were rumors that everyone should stay out of the doctor’s wing at five pm. The doctor’s wing. The only area of the Enterprise that was free from all pranks, regulated by Leonard's strict standards. The excitement for five o’clock was almost tangible, so as you could expect, at five o’clock, everyone was piled in the command room watching the live recording of the doctor’s wing. Even the doctors looked on edge, probably they had overheard the rumors and where therefore about to be pranked for what was likely to be their first time. That is when it happens.


	3. Chapter 3

Several fireworks explode around the office. The noise startles everyone in the hospital wing, causing everyone to jump and yelp in alarm. One doctor rushes for the fire extinguisher, but it isn’t needed. The fireworks were very small and strategically placed, but loud and colorful. Sending sparks flying around the room. 

Once the ordeal is over, Bones storms out of his office, face red in absolute fury, looking around for the prankster. Unbeknownst to him, the creator of that prank was grinning like an idiot on the other side of the live monitors. 

“Everyone can go back to their jobs now.” Jim smiles pleasantly to everyone who was watching the screens. They disperse, sensing this as an invitation to leave and keep their knowledge of the incident a secret. 

Lounging on his chair, Jim waits for Bones. He inspects his fingernails, acting bored. “Spock, where is Leonard right now?” 

“He is cleaning up some of the mess in the hospital wing, Captain.” Spock replies quickly, sounding pretty fed-up with this prank war.

Jim sighs but makes no verbal comment. He looked like a kid who couldn’t wait for a birthday present. What could he say? He just liked getting in trouble, he had a habit of it too. Kirk presses a button on his chair and it spins in slow, lazy circles. “Wheeeeeee,” Jim sighs softly, sounding bored.

“Sir, he’s moving through the halls towards the command room.” Someone calls urgently. 

Jim almost falls out of his chair, a grin returning to his face. He clumsily adjusts himself into an upright position, “Great, how far away is he?” 

“About two minutes, sir.” The woman replies, taping on her computer screen. 

Jim nods slowly, composing his face into pure innocence and ignorance. 

“What the heck just happened!?” Bones roars, barging into the room.

Jim’s faces schools itself into a confused expression, turning his chair to face Bones, “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean you son of a,”

“Geez Bones I promise you I have no  _ idea  _ what you could  _ possibly  _ be talking about.” Jim cries back, interrupting the medic.  _ “Whoops, acting too innocent.”  _ Jim thinks to himself. 

Leonard obviously noticed Jim’s lie because he stalks to the chair, “Jim I swear you are going to regret that.” He snarls, “What if someone actually got injured?”

“I’m not careless Bones-“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses.” Bone growls, though he looks a little more calm. “You should just know to be more careful, or someday you're gonna regret doing that prank.”

“Sorry,” Jim grins, not exactly sure if he was pleased with this reaction or not, “but this is a prank war. I’ll see you later Bones.” Jim swivels his chair back around as Bones storms out of the command room, muttering obscenities under his breath.

“Do you think he’ll retaliate?” Sulu asks, turning to Jim.

“With Bones it is hard to tell, but I think he might.” The captain responds, tracing a circle on the arm of his chair. “I think that what he said before he left seemed slightly threat-like.” 

Sulu grins, turning back to what he was working on, “Let’s hope he’ll retaliate, that would be very interesting.”

Jim rolls his eyes, he did participate in the prank wars, but after Bone’s lecture about him risking the safety of some people, some concern had grown. Jim had been extremely careful when setting up the firework prank, but, what if someone else, or even him, ended up injuring someone? Jim shrugs off the shudder that was making its way down his back. That wouldn’t happen, not under his watch. Even so, a small kernel of dread has wormed itself into Jim’s mind. 


End file.
